The Little Things

I have depression and I find joy in the little things. I have to, or I'd drown. I am fighting a constant battle against my brain. So when I have some reprieve, I have trained myself to be happy about little good things that I can find and be happier than the average person would be about them. Things like unmatched crazy socks, sweaters with sleeves that are too long for my arms, the color purple, or even seeing ducks waddling around my college campus make me ridiculously happy. Several years ago they wouldn't have. I would have most likely ignored these things, or if they did make me happy, it was for maybe two seconds. Now I grin widely and laugh with delight about these things. And the joy is genuine. For a long time paying extra attention to the good things was something I made myself do as a coping strategy. Now the little things I notice actually make me happy. I feel like the happiness I feel about this little good things helps compensate for the other things. Yes, I get really depressed. But I also get really happy about things most people don't even notice. It's helped me to keep going more times than I can count, and I'm a happier and more positive person than I was before as a result. It can be tricky getting started but if you make it a habit it can help so much. I highly recommend it.

Don't Be Alone

This is one I've struggled with for a long time. When I'm depressed, I hate myself and already feel like a burden. The last thing I want to do is be around people to burden them even more (even though I've been assured by multiple people that this isn't true, and logically know it isn't, but depression isn't abut logic). Monday was the worst I've been in months. I woke up first thing in the morning so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed. I nearly didn't. I missed the first bus and barely made it to class. All day horrible, untrue depressive thoughts swirled in my head. I had forty minutes left of my shift at work and I was considering just leaving early and not meeting my boyfriend after work like I planned. I didn't want him to see me like that and be more of a burden, so I considered sneaking out five minutes early and running for my life to catch the earlier bus and then texting him saying I went home early because I wasn't feeling well (which was certainly true). But I didn't. I figured I should stick it out and tell him in person. So I did. He asked me if I was feeling any better because at this point I'd had a headache for two days straight and I admitted that the headache was bad but the depression was worse and I just wanted to go home after I picked up a couple things from the campus book store. He offered to come over for a little while before he had to go to an activity and I agreed only because I didn't want to be stuck alone with my thoughts. That ended up being the right decision because he talked to me and reassured me and in the end I felt quite a bit better. I was still sort of numb but not hating myself quite so much. Bless him for being there for me. If you aren't comfortable talking about it with people, it's still beneficial to be around other people just so you aren't stuck alone with your terrible thoughts. I have a friend who doesn't like being alone for this reason, so she fills her life with things to do and people to be around so she has as little time alone to think as possible. I think it's a really good strategy. I know that when you're depressed all you want is to be away from people. Believe me, I know. I isolated myself for years and that honestly made things so much worse. Like I said, you don't have to confide in the people you're with if you don't want to. Just being around them and listening to them talk can still be tremendously helpful.

Therapy

This is a tricky one because therapy can be all over the place. I've had good, bad, and so-so therapists on and off over the past six years. I've come to realize that while a therapist who gets you is incredibly important, it's also noteworthy that therapy only helps you as much as you let it. Yes, I know that sounds cliche. But take it from someone with experience. It didn't start helping me until I let it and actually wanted to get better. Is it still hard? Yes. Do I still have a long road ahead of me? Yes. But right now I have a therapist who actually seems to understand what I'm about and validate my feelings without letting me drown in them. It's really nice. I feel like I could actually make real progress by doing this. If you're on the fence about therapy for whatever reason (believe me, I've experienced plenty of my own), please try it. Talking to a professional really can help, especially if you find the right one for you.