Writing

I have found that writing is rather therapeutic. I write stories where the main character has certain parts of my personality and in the end she gets a happy ending. I write depressing but oddly hopeful poetry that somehow makes me feel better. I write about my feelings. I vent to paper or a Word document like I can't to people. I write letters to people that I'll never send. I write letters to past and future versions of myself. Writing is a wonderful tool because when you write (at least when you write in a private place) you are able to get your feelings out without casting all your problems onto another person. A lot of people aren't equipped to listen to the depressed talk (believe me, I know, I've been there) so why not get it all out in a way that won't hurt anyone? It needs to come out anyway. Writing has helped me a ton with my own depression. It almost always makes me feel better, even if just a little bit. It's worth a shot, isn't it?

Looking Back

Tonight I filled up the last pages of another journal. Of course, as every time I finish a journal, I was inspired to go back and flip through old ones. I'm not surprised how much of some of my older journals were filled with suicidal thoughts, but I am surprised at the frequency of those kinds of entries in my journal from just a year ago. Looking back at all this made me realize the full extent of my transition. I hadn't even noticed when the change had really happened. Seeing all those old entries also made me realize how bad it was. It's honestly a miracle that I am still here today to type this. But you know what? I am so freaking greateful that I am still here to type this. Even after everything, even after how completely horrible it was and how close I was to the edge, I am still here. And I'm happy! Not every day, not every second, and I'll never be mistaken for Little Miss Sunshine, but I'm relatively content with where I am and the progress I'm making in life. Giving up seemed inevitable not that long ago. I didn't think I could make it another day but I did. I am so glad I did! Honestly, I feel like I'm going to cry right now (happy tears) because of how amazing this is. Guys, I promise you, it may seem infinite, it may seem hopeless, but I swear to you that it does get better and someday you won't regret the effort you put into fighting this. No matter how severe or not severe your depression is, fighting it is always worth it. Not giving up is always worth it. I know it seems like it lasts forever but it really doesn't. It ends. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, but it does end. Always. As long as you keep going. To everyone out there still fighting against their own brains, you are amazing, and I love you.

Warmth

Warmth worked its wonders on me today. But first, a bit about it. Warm things generally make people feel better. Soup is a widespread comfort food. Hot tubs are where people go to relax. Laundry straight out of the dryer is indescribable. Warmth is both relaxing and comforting. Today I got some really bad news and felt the panic building. I still had quite a bit of homework to do and couldn't afford to fall apart then. So I immediately set to make myself a large mug of hot chocolate. As I let it cool down before drinking it, I gripped the mug with both hands, letting the heat seep into my skin. Focusing on the heat in my hands and closing my eyes and taking deep breaths did the trick. I was able to calm down enough to do my homework. Using warmth to your advantage doesn't have to be that dramatic. You can just wrap yourself in a cozy sweatshirt or bathrobe or take a nice warm bath for a while. The benefits would probably be the same. If you really want to feel good, run a nice big blanket through the wash (cleaning things helps too, but I'll talk about that later) and wrap it around yourself when it's fresh out of the dryer. It's very soothing.

Animals

Animals (most specifically cats) have always been super helpful when I've dealt with depression. Pets love you unconditionally and a lot of the them are quite skilled at discerning moods and act a certain way in an effort to make you feel better. Several years ago my mom went outside into the yard when she was having a panic attack. My cat Alice, who was off hunting frogs or something in the garden, came over to my mom and curled up next to her until she calmed down. Mind you, Alice hates loud noises and my mom was hyperventilating. That's definitely loud. Once my mom had calmed down, Alice simply got up and trotted away as if nothing had happened. Over the years, various cats I've owned have sensed my distress and come over and curled up in my lap and purred when I was sobbing my heart out or even when I was just quietly depressed. I'm a cat lady, so my examples are all about cats, but I've heard stories about dogs doing similar things to help their owners. If you can't have pets where you are (like me) I highly recommend volunteering at an animal shelter. I volunteered at a kitten shelter about an hour away almost every week last summer and I loved it. My depression had flared up again and on the days I went to the shelter it wasn't as bad. I was happy interacting with all those precious little furballs. Give it a try!

Sunshine

I know I've already posted something (a long time ago but still) about going outside. Seriously though guys, don't underestimate the power of sunshine. When people are in the hospital for prolonged periods of time, they are generally given vitamin D supplements. Why? Because they're stuck inside and missing out on the benefits of the sun! Lack of vitamin D and depression are correlated. Vitamin D won't fix all of your depression-related problems but it can be helpful in addition to other treatments. Being outside in the sunshine can help boost your vitamin D levels and possibly your mood as well. Instead of going inside to read, today I read my book outside on campus. It was nice feeling the sun on my legs and arms and just basking in the warmth. Give it a shot. It might not work for you, but it doesn't hurt to try.