New Years

I have always had a really hard time at the end of December because everyone is talking about New Years' resolutions and the like, which can be difficult if you have depression. What's the point if you're going to fail anyway? Next year will be just as bad as this year was. Why even try this year? All of these are thoughts I've had over the past several years the week after Christmas and even after January starts. Sometimes they even persist throughout the year. Here are a couple of things I've found helpful: 1) Make small, attainable goals. When I'm depressed I feel like a failure, and being able to complete goals, no matter how insignificant they may seem, really boosts my self-esteem and keeps me going. 2) Find something to look forward to. Whether it be a concert, a trip, or a new skill you want to learn by taking classes, find something you can look forward to later in the year and save up for or work towards. That can help the new year seem less pointless. 3) Don't set absolutely unrealistic New Years' resolutions. It's basically setting yourself up for misery because if you have a completely unattainable goal such as "don't be depressed all year," when you can't achieve it, you may end up beating yourself up for something out of control and spiral downward. I really don't recommend that. I am a perfectionist. Believe me, I know how it goes. It's happened many times before and is now something I try to avoid. The new year can bring new, better opportunities, even though I know it's hard to see them. This time last year I felt completely hopeless and inadequate, but this year has ended up being better than I could have possibly expected. You never know what the new year will bring, but give it a chance, eh?

Accepting Support

Depression is the great isolator. It makes you believe that you aren't worth helping, that your feelings aren't important, and that you shouldn't bother other people with your problems. These things aren't true, but they feel true a lot of the time. I have long struggled with pulling away and refusing support from people who sincerely want to be there for me when I'm having a hard time, be it with depression, anxiety, or physical health problems. My natural instinct is to deal with my problems by myself so I won't bother anyone. However, I have come to learn over the past few months that some people really do want to be there for you, support you, and help you in any way they can when you are struggling. I have finals in a week and I still have so much to do that my anxiety is going into extreme overdrive. I've been worried that I won't be able to pull it off. Tonight I was talking about everything I have to do this week and how I didn't think I'd be able to get it done to my boyfriend and he told me that he would help me in any way he could. My first thought was that he has things to do too and didn't need to deal with me and my stuff as well. But then I gauged his sincerity and could tell that he meant it; that no matter what he had going on, he honestly wanted to help me. There are people like that out there. You may even be thinking of one in your own life as you read this. You don't have to push away the people who love you and can actually help you in some small way because you think they shouldn't have to. They want to, because they care about you. No matter what your depression tells you, please don't push away the people who love you. I've done it before and it was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made, because then I was suicidal and completely alone instead of suicidal but with a support system that helped. Don't let your brain convince you that you aren't loved and don't deserve support.