Change

Change is the bane of the depressed. At least, it is for me when I'm depressed. My brain tells me "What's the point? Nothing's going to get better. It'l probably get worse." Or if I really do want to make a change, I usually have no motivation to do so whatsoever, and try to just deal with bad situations I'm stuck in. For about six months, I've been stuck in a terrible roommate situation. My roommate yells a lot and takes her frustrations out on me. Coming home often feels like a bomb is about to go off and I spend most of my time shut up in my room trying to avoid her. Tons of people have told me that I need to just move, but I kept putting them off. I was used to being here. I was afraid of change. I kept telling myself that I could stick it out for a few more months until she moved in August and somebody else took her room. I kept myself in a harmful situation that was most definitely NOT helping my depression (in fact, it quite often made it worse) because I didn't want to make a change. Then I went home for a few weeks. I felt loved and wanted. There were still days where I was depressed, but there were people there who actually treated me like they wanted me around and tried to make me laugh and gave me hugs and I realized then that I didn't need to be in the kind of toxic environment I was in and that I needed to move. I'd been waffling about this decision for six months and when I was home it came to me loud and clear that I needed to move. I immediately looked into housing options. I put up an ad to sell my own apartment contract. I even started packing. Despite my fears, I had to physically act on making that change happen instead of just wishing or debating it out in my head. Now I have somewhere else to go and someone to buy my contract. Everything will probably be finalized this week. I'm still apprehensive about the change, because I've become comfortable (if that's the right word) where I am. But I don't want to be okay with my life when it's not the kind of life I really want to be living. Which is why I faced my fears and took a chance on change. Having something to do, something to look forward to, has definitely helped with my depression this week. I challenge all of you to make some sort of change this week. It doesn't have to be as major as moving. It could be something as simple as changing the way you walk to work and getting in some new scenery. Just try something to break up the monotony. Depression makes everything seem bland, repetitive, and meaningless. So spice things up a bit by breaking a habit or two and see what happens.