Things Get Better

I have been pretty depressed the past few days. But then today at work I started thinking about how I'm going to be twenty in two months. I didn't even think I'd make it to seventeen. Honestly, I was planning to kill myself the day before my seventeenth birthday because sixteen was the worst year of my life and every year from ten to sixteen had just gotten worse and worse and I didn't think I'd be able to handle a year that was worse than sixteen. I didn't want to risk it. Now here I am almost three years later and I am grateful to be alive every day. Even on the really, really bad days where the depression and anxiety threaten to crush me I am still glad that I'm still here and still have a chance to make things better. Even when things started to get better a couple years ago it was still incredibly hard and I barely noticed that things were any better at all until I got an outsider's perspective from my mom. Even now, when things are infinitely better than they were even six months ago, I still have moments where I believe my life is completely miserable and want to give up. I was certainly feeling that way a few weeks ago, helpless, and like I was stuck in a bad situation permanently. Then things started to get better. I got out of my toxic living environment with roommates who treated me like I was pond scum last weekend. Now I have a roommate that could very easily become a good friend. Just tonight I heard back from someone I interviewed with offering me a job so I can quit the job that's currently draining me of all energy and willpower. Things felt completely hopeless on both of these counts two weeks ago. I was a mess and felt like my life was spiraling out of control and that nothing would ever be okay and I'd just be stuck in those bad situations forever. Now I'm free. I promise you, if you don't give up, things will get better. I can't guarantee when. It might seem like it takes forever. But it will happen. Don't give up, no matter what the situation is or how you feel about it. You can do this. I believe in you.