Recovering from Self-Harm

I was procrastinating writing my final history paper and came across this article on Facebook. It resonated with me because I have felt all of the things the author described. I hated myself so I cut and then I hated myself for cutting so I cut more. I haven't self-harmed in 4 years next month but I still feel that pull on especially bad days. When I first stopped, it was really hard for me to see those white lines standing out on my arm as proof of what I had done to myself. Summers were especially hard in the next year or two because the rest of my skin tanned around them and I felt like they stood out like neon signs screaming, "Look at me! Look what I did to myself!" I was paranoid that people would see them but in reality, I am the only one who does. Only two clusters are visible in most lighting. But I know where all of them are. In certain lighting I see every single one staring out at me and I feel regret that I ever felt it was necessary to hurt myself. It used to affect me a lot more than it does now. In this case, time is a healer. I don't know if the scars will ever fade, because it's been a long time and they haven't. But the effect they have on me has faded. I still sometimes feel bad when I see them. But for the most part, I accept that they are part of me. A part of me that helped shape who I am. I wouldn't be the mental health awareness advocate that I am today if I hadn't gotten those battle scars from the war with my own mind that spanned about 1/4 of my life. My scars used to make me feel ashamed every time I saw them. Now, for the most part, I see them and realize how far I've come. I'm not that 16 year old girl who hated herself anymore. I'm moving forward. Sometimes it's a slow process, but any progress is still progress. It is possible to stop self-harming, no matter how addicted you are or how hopeless it feels when you try to stop. It is possible to move past it and accept it as a part of your life's story rather than as your defining characteristic. You can do it.