I have had thoughts like this so many times since my depression began. I truly believed I was a burden to others and a complete waste of time and money. There have even been times I've hated myself so much I was angry at myself for breathing better people's air, drinking better people's water, and eating better people's food. I thought I was so worthless that I didn't deserve basic human needs. This wasn't true, but the thoughts affected my life for a long time. They still occasionally do on really bad days. Being depressed doesn't make you less of a person. You still have needs: food, shelter, love (be it familial, romantic, or platonic). You are worthy of having those needs filled. You are worth so much more than you cost. You are worth so much more than the effort you think other people exert on you. You are worth everything because you are a unique, important human being. The world would be a worse place without you for so many people. The people you love you and the people who never would have been able to have an impact on. My husband tells me on a semi regular basis how grateful he is that I stayed alive long enough for him to meet me and fall in love with me because (according to him) I've changed his life for the better. You have that power too. You affect people now. You will continue to affect people for the rest of your life. Don't deprive people you've never met the chance of meeting you and potentially having their lives changed by you. No matter how much of a burden you feel, you are worth it. Always, always worth it. Those thoughts intruding in your mind are not true. They are a result of your illness and nothing more. There is no truth in them. You are worth all the time and resources in the world. You are a blessing, not a burden. There are people who want you and need you around. No matter how much those burdensome thoughts permeate your mind, please don't let them take root there. Acknowledge them for the lies they are. When you have those kinds of thoughts, remind yourself that they are just lies your brain is telling you. Convince yourself that they aren't true so when they do pop up again, you won't be as affected. I believe in you.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Burdensome Thoughts
I have had thoughts like this so many times since my depression began. I truly believed I was a burden to others and a complete waste of time and money. There have even been times I've hated myself so much I was angry at myself for breathing better people's air, drinking better people's water, and eating better people's food. I thought I was so worthless that I didn't deserve basic human needs. This wasn't true, but the thoughts affected my life for a long time. They still occasionally do on really bad days. Being depressed doesn't make you less of a person. You still have needs: food, shelter, love (be it familial, romantic, or platonic). You are worthy of having those needs filled. You are worth so much more than you cost. You are worth so much more than the effort you think other people exert on you. You are worth everything because you are a unique, important human being. The world would be a worse place without you for so many people. The people you love you and the people who never would have been able to have an impact on. My husband tells me on a semi regular basis how grateful he is that I stayed alive long enough for him to meet me and fall in love with me because (according to him) I've changed his life for the better. You have that power too. You affect people now. You will continue to affect people for the rest of your life. Don't deprive people you've never met the chance of meeting you and potentially having their lives changed by you. No matter how much of a burden you feel, you are worth it. Always, always worth it. Those thoughts intruding in your mind are not true. They are a result of your illness and nothing more. There is no truth in them. You are worth all the time and resources in the world. You are a blessing, not a burden. There are people who want you and need you around. No matter how much those burdensome thoughts permeate your mind, please don't let them take root there. Acknowledge them for the lies they are. When you have those kinds of thoughts, remind yourself that they are just lies your brain is telling you. Convince yourself that they aren't true so when they do pop up again, you won't be as affected. I believe in you.
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